Trump Stunned as Afrikaner Refugees Arrive Sans Tractors: “Where’s the Farmer Vibe?”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump was left scratching his head this week after the first 59 Afrikaner refugees, welcomed under his “Mission South Africa” initiative, touched down in Washington on May 12, 2025, looking more suited for city life than cornfields.
The program, trumpeted as a rescue for “persecuted white farmers” facing “land grabs” in South Africa, promised to bring grizzled agriculturalists to America’s heartland. Instead, the group includes urbanites who’ve never hoed a row.
“They were supposed to be farmers. Big, strong farmers. John Deere-level stuff,” Trump reportedly grumbled while inspecting a Home Depot lawnmower display.
“These folks look like they’ve only planted hashtags.” Launched in February, “Mission South Africa” fast-tracked Afrikaners to Idaho and Iowa, despite South Africa’s government insisting no farmers are being chased off their land.
Insiders whisper Trump expected Stetson-wearing ranchers, not professionals clutching smartphones. “One guy asked if Iowa has Uber,” a White House aide sighed.
The refugees, unfazed, are settling in.
“Farming? Nah, but I can manage a spreadsheet,” said Pieter, 29, a former Johannesburg office worker. The White House vows to press on, but Trump’s dream of an Afrikaner agrarian utopia may need a reality check.
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